“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love;
in honour preferring one another;”
Romans 12:10
One of the worst things, I believe, that happens in groups, committees, clubs, churches, and organizations, is when one person gets left out, isn’t chosen, or doesn’t get invited to participate when they show interest in joining or being a part of the group. It’s hurtful to be shunned by anyone, but especially by people who share your interests or you would like to sit at the table with. Being treated as unwelcomed or unworthy is disheartening. Most people want to feel wanted, needed and visible and would like to be given a choice, a chair and a voice. Getting ignored is an isolating and lonely experience. While not everyone will accept an invite when offered, setting out an extra chair opens the door for others to feel welcomed to join. God created space for everyone, and knowing there is a place for each of us is an encouraging and comforting thought.
Standing Alone Without a Chair
I’ve been excluded and left standing without a chair more times than I can count. I’ve signed up or volunteered and been turned away. I’ve gone to events and been ignored. I’ve felt lonely in a crowd. I’ve offered to help and been turned down. I’ve compromised my preferences and was still not accepted. I’ve given gifts that were rudely ridiculed or rejected. I’ve stood up, only to be kicked down or out and stomped on. I’ve been overlooked, neglected and talked about, talked over, talked around and talked down to. There have been numerous times when I’ve not been included or invited to other people’s tables. I’ve often found out, after the fact, that I’d been left out of the loop and excluded. And, every time one of these hurtful experiences occurred, I felt the sting of the crushing rejection.
Sadly, these types of encounters happen daily to many people. If you’ve lived any length of time at all, you may have suffered one, or more, of these heartbreaking experiences yourself. It hurts my heart to realize that, over the years, I too have inflicted this thoughtlessness and unkindness on others. I think this is why I feel so strongly today about maintaining the habit of making sure everyone around me feels invited or included; because, I know how painful being shunned and left standing without a chair feels.
Reasons for Setting Out an Extra Chair
Think about it. Who doesn’t prefer to be preferred? Most of us naturally like to fit in and be included in events and activities that share our interests and passions. Groups, committees, clubs, churches and organizations are useful in their own rights and purposes. They gather likeminded people together to offer hospitality and to provide:
- spiritual support
- physical needs
- helpful services
- companionship
- focused conversations
- teamwork for purposeful causes
- fun gatherings for sharing hobbies.
While most groups are specialized and open to certain people for specific purposes, all too often they can become so exclusive and tight-knit of a group that other very passionate and talented people feel closed out and discouraged from participating. That is a real tragedy in and of itself. Many wonderful people are sitting at home hurt and alone, who are more than willing to offer of their resources and capabilities or who need the comfort of camaraderie, connection and companionship.
Perfect Example of How to Sit with Others
Jesus, God’s Holy Son and our wonderful Creator, knows about the pain of rejection. He came to this earth for the sole purpose of helping others and was rejected by the very people He was sent to save and help. And, yet, He treated everyone without partiality. Notice the instruction in this Scripture verse:
“I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels,
that thou observe these things
without preferring one before another,
doing nothing by partiality.”
1 Timothy 5:21
Jesus showed love, compassion, patience and respect to everyone. He let people from all walks of life sit with Him–the old, young, weak, strong, rich, poor, learned, unlearned, believers, unbelievers, friends and foes, and, when he had to address poor behavior, challenges, and conflict, He did it justly, with truth, authority, and kindness. Study His life in Scripture and you will see that Jesus routinely interacted with:
- Those who listened to Him and those who questioned Him
- Those who believed in Him and those who denied Him
- Those who loved Him and those who hated Him
- Those who followed Him and those who followed their own path
- Those who were socially accepted and those who weren’t
- Those who betrayed Him and those who protected Him
- Those who persecuted Him and those who stood with Him
- Those who crucified Him and those who cried when He died
There were times when Jesus had to be tough and stand firm with people who questioned and challenged Him. And, being God, He had the authority to righteously judge those who denied or confronted Him.
Judas and Peter, two of His personally chosen Apostles, who traveled, ministered and sat at dinner with him, later betrayed and denied Him. Yet, He was always patient and just to those who did wrong and He remained loving and respectful to them.
Saving a Seat for Others
Unfortunately, while our culture and society seems to push for more inclusion, we remain more secluded, separated and divided than ever. It’s a sad and unnecessary reality that anyone would feel left out or excluded today.
God made us all different. But, He set a standard for us to follow. While He allows us to believe, do and choose our own ways, as Christians, we are called to follow His standards not our own.
Because we are not all following the same standards, we are not all going to want to sit together or hang out. We all don’t fit into the same molds. But, if we choose to be like Jesus and share the love and kindness He shared, there is no reason for us not to save a seat, without showing partiality, for someone who wants to join us.
Sure we’re different and have various passions and interests. It’s okay to form a group to promote and encourage those interests. It’s when we begin to purposely exclude others from participating or sharing our experience and adopt the “Us Four and No More” mentality, that we begin to lose sight of our place and leave other good people sitting alone.
BRINGING IT HOME
Were you ever excluded from a group you wished to join?
How did that make you feel?
Would you be willing to add a chair and invite someone new to your group?
Growing With You,
Smiles, BRC
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